Is it a Suicide or a Murder?

She stood on the ledge in her white nightgown,her heart as cold as ice and her mind numb.Its was all too much to take in and finally that night the rope holding her patience and sanity had torn free.She had to put an end to it or her mind would explode.Her once beautiful,happy life no longer existed,it was only darkness and shadows all around,the fear of those two eyes staring at her haunted her every day.Its been 4 years of continuous torture to live like that and in the process she just not only lose those years of her life but she did much more!

She was losing every bit about her,her mind,heart,identity and soul.Even among her family she couldn't find herself safe.Fear was slowly eating up her consciousness.She got restless,she was always scared,she had stopped laughing,nightmares kept her awake every night,she had stopped interacting with people.She had long forgotten what it felt like being normal.She needed a rescue out of it,but nobody could help her,even if they tried.

And then she thought,this was the only way out.She would no longer have to live in such pathetic way.

She closed her eyes and jumped off.

Her lifeless body lay in the ground 6 ft below and her white gown soaked in her blood.

Megan wasn't a predisposed person,her recent changes in life lead to her preposterous behavior.Instead she was a happy-go-lucky,warm-hearted girl just passed out of high school and with a great voice.She wanted to study music in her college and everybody supported her specially her elder brother.He knew Megan would one day be a star singer.She was beautiful,talented and smart and an enthusiastic young girl with big dreams.

But nobody had the slightest idea that she would end up here lying lifelessly.It all began 4 years back.She got a scholarship at the Chelsea University and her brother had helped her find a rented apartment to stay.And that was the last time her family had seen her being happy.

She loved the college,it was like her dream had started to come true.She got herself a job at a restaurant to earn a little extra pocket money.Everything was just going smooth and fine until she met her new music teacher,Prof.N Kunis.

Music was something not many took up as a career in her class,there were selected students.She was one of the talented and bright student among them and the Professor started to take keen interest on her.At first it seemed usual but as days passed by everything got downhill.

He followed her to her job,stood outside her apartment for long hours,sent her letters with her photos at different place.She confronted him,but he wouldn't listen.She even filed a police complaint and he was sent with a restraining order,but nothing seemed to work.

He grew obsessed with her and cluttered her mail box with postcards and letters.But she was a brave girl,she knew she couldn't afford to stop going to college.Her father had worked very hard to get her there,she dint belong to posh family and that was the only way to get to a better future.Even when she dint want to,she attended college and she everyday faced all of it.He stared at her continuously in the class,in the corridors,hallways,even in the cafeteria.
She somewhere believed one fine morning everything would stop.She would go back to living her old,happy life with nobody to keep staring at her.But what she dint know was, that things were just beginning to get worst.

He began to make calls in her phone 70-80 times,at anytime of the day.He would sit in the restaurant and watch her work and at the end of the day follow her all the way.She had to stop going to work as a result.She couldn't interact with anyone,she was always scared that someone's following her.

When she dint find any hope to stop this,she phoned Mark,her elder brother.He dint feel the depth or the seriousness of the matter,he thought she was just over assuming everything.He advised her to take some days off with her friends and then start again.Even talking to him dint help and she couldn't tell her parents,they would be too worried all the time.

She kept her curtains closed so that he wouldn't see her,she asked the owner to place a new lock for extra safety,and changed her phone number but somehow these dint help much.He continued to stand at the opposite sidewalk all day,he wrote more and more letters and postcards and it was getting more obsessed and evil.She had to finally even stop going to college.

She was losing out all her sanity.Day by day she was more depressed,terrified,she often had nervous breakdown,headaches,she couldn't sleep at night and all of this lead to taking pills.Her condition deteriorated and her mind and heart restless as she remained all day locked up in her apartment.She lost her peace of mind and there was no one whom she could ask for help.

She would get startled and have illusion of eyes staring at her,it was dark even during the day as she was scared to take off the curtains.She began to lose weight as her appetite reduced and she puked often.Her life was a living hell.

She needed peace,this had to stop! And it was then,when she decided to put an end to her life and to four continuous years of suffering.She understood things were never going to change,in fact it would get worst.She no longer could take anymore,she was standing on the edge where no hope was left to pull her out of it.

Maybe Megan was the one standing there but he was the one to push her off.He created such deep dark place for her,where her soul was crushed and she was left with nothing but hollow,empty body and she couldn't recover because it was too late before she could climb out.

When she jumped,she might have been happy because maybe now she would find the peace,FINALLY!

Note: All events portrayed in this Story are fictitious and any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental.

Harassment is something that's happening for a long time now with women.At work place;at home;even at the educational institutions.Young children and women are raped,stalked,eve-teased,and they can't even seek help from the Law against it.Like the above incident many women and children are hurt so deeply that either they end up being murdered,commits suicide,or is doomed for lifetime,their life turn into a living hell and non of them ever can live a 'normal' life,they never get out of it cause the scars keep reminding them of it.

When will all these stop? Who is going to take the responsibility? When will women be truly respected?

So many women and kids are being victims of such heinous crime,every now and then and to tell you the truth we have lost the count of all those people suffering,some don't even see the light of lawful justice.If thinking is just making us so angry and feeling disgusted,imagine how does those feel who actually suffer it!

I just hope and wish that,there does await a 'better tomorrow' for all of us,for you, me and the people.

Recalculating....Life...Growing up a little! :)

"Dear God," she prayed, "let me be something every minute of every hour of my life. Let me be gay; let me be sad. Let me be cold; let me be warm. Let me be hungry...have too much to eat. Let me be ragged or well dressed. Let me be sincere - be deceitful. Let me be truthful; let me be a liar. Let me be honorable and let me sin. Only let me be something every blessed minute. And when I sleep, let me dream all the time so that not one little piece of living is ever lost."
― Betty Smith, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

When did that happen? When did we become adults? Its the same questions we all grown-up ask.Its same with me.Why does the memory seem so faded?What did I miss out that I'm trying to find?
Honestly,I don't have the answers.I'm as confused as you are.We work so hard,everyday for what? To survive,and survive what?Survive in the competitive world,survive in our jobs,survive from a broken heart,survive to fulfill our responsibilities towards family,above all survive keeping our identity intact.









How many succeed?How many does not get lost in the midst of it?Can you stop not getting hurt?Can you change the direction of sun if its bothering you?Can you predict whats going to happen the next morning?Can you stop growing up?

Remember when you were a kid and your biggest worry was,like,if you'd get a pink frock for your birthday or if you'd get to eat cookies for breakfast or what would you wear to your best friend's birthday party.Being an adult? Totally overrated.I mean seriously,don't be fooled by all the hot shoes and the no parents anywhere telling you what to do.Adulthood is responsibility.Responsibility,it really does suck.

Adults have to be places and do things and earn a living and pay the rent,deal with heart aches,work to survive.And when you are dealing with all of these everyday,childhood,bikes,colorful berets,or your pink frock seems kind of much better,isn't it?

When we were kids and we saw adults as all-knowing authority figures who had shit figured out? As the people who were allowed to tell you what to do and make rules, because they were the ones who were running the world? And now that when we are in that place we laugh at what big idiot we had been to think that,to assume their life is better than us and maybe in the same way those adults looked at the carefree young ones and thought that those were the days that was best.We can never judge or conclude,and even if we do there would be numerous unanswered questions attached to it.

Being a kid we always are in the hurry to grow up.Everything lures us into it,literally everything.We want to be the most popular girl in school,we wants the attention,we want to know the dirty secrets,to bully the nerd,bitch about people,all of it.We all do and all these things bring us out from being a kid to the world of adulthood.
I'm not saying its something unusual.Its same for everyone,you,me,my neighbor or somebody else.And we cannot stop it cause we are human,its in our nature to want things that way.

I'm not complaining here.If you think that then you are wrong.I'm here to discover bits and pieces that I can to know more about myself,to know what I feel,to know what I used to,or how I wanted to be and who am I,now.Because they never told us how would it be or we dint get a user manual to discover adulthood or the person we should be.We are all same here,unknown to what lies ahead,trying to find everyday the clues and hints from our daily life with the hope that one day if we find all of the pieces then we could put it together to find what it means completely.

Here comes the question.

Have you figured out yet? Are you just wandering around,still trying to figure out how life works as you go along?

If yes then you are probably not an adult yet.Now you would ask me then what's the point talking about 'we have become adults' when I'm saying here we are not.Yes! what I want to say is actually we never grow up.None of us have or can completely discover what we want from life.
There's no such thing as a grown-up.We move on,we move out,we move away from our families and form our own.But the basic insecurities,the basic fears and all those old wounds just grow up with us.We get bigger,we get taller,we get older.But,for the most part,we're still a bunch of kids,running around the playground,trying desperately to fit in.There's no test,there's no light,and there's no tangible event that signifies the transition into adulthood.Its not some community that you can join and instantly call yourself 'an adult'.

All I'm wanting to say is I just don't want to live with regrets.Regrets of growing up too fast,regrets of missing being innocent as a kid,regret of living too much life,regret of not saying thing when I'm suppose to,regret of hurting people and not saying "sorry',regret of letting go,regret of moving on or regret of crying too much over smiling.I just want to live in such a way so that when I look back I can see the image of me standing there with a beautiful smile on her face.

Its doesn't matter if I'm alone or if I'm standing with someone,I need to be happy,and that's all.I'm dealing with all of it in the same way like you all out there.Live every moment because once its gone you are never going to get it back.Just want to say be happy no matter how hard life may seem to be,don't judge yourself about how others think you to be,someday be old enough and start reading fairy tales again,do what's right,make mistakes and don't run away from it,have less disappointments find more happiness,don't rush into things,nurture your soul at every step,don't try so hard,we never get out of it alive,anyway,try being more of you,rediscover the real you!

"I walked over to the hill where we used to go and sled. There were a lot of little kids there. I watched them flying. Doing jumps and having races. And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. And all of those little kids are going to do the things that we do. And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now, sledding is enough. I think it would be great if sledding were always enough, but it isn't."
-Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower




And the day when you look back and wish there was nothing to change,is the day you become an 'ADULT'.

He Is Always Looking Over YOU!

I walk down the lonely road,
The demons in my head silently screaming,
Pieces of my broken heart scattered
Not realizing whether awake or dreaming,

Like a lonely wanderer,searching for you
I walk the dessert and cross the sea
Everything is unknown and new
Just embracing the memory of you and me

'Where are you now?' the question in my heart screams
Nothing leads me to you,none can give direction
I want to wake up from this nightmarish dreams
to find you beside me working together for our relation

My heart is wounded,and it doesn't heal
Like shining rays you were my hope
Have I lost my soul cause I no longer feel?
Now washed away and I'm forced to cope

Quench my thirst with your warm embrace
Kiss me deep and slow
My voice has lost its song and the grace
Hold me tight and never let go

Will our worlds never meet again?
Are just those memories I'm destined to keep?
Come back and help me stop this pain,
I fall at your feet in a sad crumpled heap

My chest is choking
And everyday seems endless
My eyes are weeping
And I'm growing restless

I'm growing tiresome,I'm done!
May its death that will bind us together
Make our soul as one
Because I don't want to lose you ever!

This is when she stopped looking,
The night sky,countless stars  filled
One among them brightly twinkling
He looked down at her and smiled.

Take My Heart Back

Dark Skylines beyond my imaginative world,

Blending with thoughts of perfectness,

Patching up the colors of a rainbow,

Merging ones to from the whitish glow,

Bright enough to remove my evils and heaven prevails,

But cruelty always thrives as though a part of me,

And that only can be cured by you,

You are like the bright new world,

Where light wins over darkness,

We have a house on top of the hill,

Step in only at your own will,

Your voice echoes through the corridors of my heart,

I am the reason you are torn apart,

You had given me your heart in silk,

I returned it wrapped in thorns,

Forgive me for I am alone,

Break my heart or let it tear,

For you will be the one to stitch it together,

Let me in as the storm's coming,

I promise! this time I'm never leaving!

Every Year An Angel Descends Down from Heaven!

In her eyes the look of loving,

In her smile the warmth of caring.

In her hands the touch of sweet comforting,

In her heart the gift of sharing.

Her Love is like an island

In life's ocean,vast and wide,

A peaceful quiet shelter

From the wind and rain and tide.

Above it like a beacon light

Shone faith and truth and prayer;

Hundreds of stars in the pretty sky,

Hundreds of birds that go singing by,

Hundreds of dewdrops to greet the dawn,

Hundreds of butterflies on the lawn,

 She has the fragrance of a flower,

The majesty of a tree

The beauty of the twilight hour,

The calmness of a quiet sea;

Her soul of a starry night

A masterpiece so divine.

Thousands of shells on the shore together,

Bees buzzing in the purple clover,

 Birds sitting on the branches in the sunny weather.

But only one mother the wide world over.

A short poem on Mother,that special person who got us into existence,gave our heart the beats,blew air underneath our wings so that we could fly.She is a person who loves unconditionally and asks nothing in return.A friend. A beautiful person. She guides us and stands by no matter what.She brings happiness every morning and lasts it till the night.Her prayers always are on the best faith.She is the masterpiece created by Almighty,an angel disguised as mother sent to Earth,who maintains peace and balance.Her care always heals every wound.Her heart melts at the slightest hurt and she does anything to keep her child safe.

My mother defines the person who I am today!Some do not have the privilege,so I feel lucky and keep reminding myself of it every year on this very day.I can't imagine my life without her.She is the backbone to me.So love you Mum,a lot lot for being the most amazing person in my life.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!! 

Revenge

If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge?
--William Shakespeare

She walked through the hallway,it was dark except for the low light flickering in the ceiling.It seemed damped and cramped.A smirk appeared on her face and a satisfaction filled her heart.He got what he deserved.

She sat in front of the plate-glass window and waited.She saw him walk up and sit down just opposite to her.The room was silent audible only through a phone attached to the wall,she picked it up and pressed it closely to her ears.

He was wearing an orange suit-pajama and she could see a ray of happiness in his eyes.She thought to herself,this wasn't going to last longer.

"Hii, Janet" his voice welcoming but jaded.

"Hii Don,how are you? you look awful."She replied with a pleasantness.

"Its not good in here Baby! I miss you.."

"I know!" her voice plain and camouflage by slight enthusiasm.She did not want to break the ice so soon,instead she wanted to sit back and relish it slowly.

"I dint do it,you believe me right?" he seemed apprehensive and deary.

"Of course I believe you,and I know you dint do it!" but this time her expression were more vengeful and nocent.

"I'm glad that you have stuck by me throughout,I love yo..."but before he could finish she spoke,

"Hold on Don! not yet,I have a surprise for you."

"A Surprise! What is it?" he seemed curious and all engaged.

"I know who has murdered Valerie."the calmness in her voice persisted.She dint seem moved nor intrigued.

"Who is it?Did you tell the attorney? Tell me who is the son of a bitch" he shouted out.

She stared at him for a second and her expression changed roguish and malicious and a smile appeared on her face.

He looked at her from the other end,confused and in dismal.

"It was all planned,you see!" anger and hatred started to fill up her heart and she was nearly shrieking out.

"What are you talking about?"he was getting impatient.

"I killed that Bitch! I did and I'm happy I did something like this.She deserved it and so do you!"

"What..you!...Why?" stunned at what he had just heard.

She started narrating her plan.She had always thought of Valarie,her step-mother to be an evil woman,it was her father first and then him.

"Why! because she was a bitch,she must rot in hell and so do you for sleeping with her"

His expression changed in a second and he was terrified at her expression.She had known it all along,everything between them,about how he lied to her and had been sleeping with Valarie behind her back.She had loved him,truly but after what he did to her she hated him even more.

Don and Janet had been in a relationship,even when her father wasn't much approving of him.She was disturbed and lonely before Don,since childhood and it was him who had filled her life with happiness and what seemed to be 'Love'.But she dint have the slightest idea that everything had been camouflaged,it was all a lie and full of false promises.He never really loved her,because if he would have,then he would have never slept with that woman.

Valarie always took away those people she loved the most.She had lured her father into falling in love and since then he gave least attention and care towards little Janet,taken far away from her.

Janet was strong,she could let that go,but how could she let this one go.She cannot always hurt her.She had to do something to put an end to all of it.An end to all Valarie's evil deeds,and it was then she came up with the plan.

She had been following her whereabouts for quite sometime and kept clear records on every people she met.And to make things work out smoothly,she acted to be in her good books until the final end.

"You set me up!"he whined from the other side.

It was her 22nd birthday night,when she decide to put the whole act together.She and Don went to the club to celebrate and there she got him drunk to the extreme limit possible.She could see he was no longer in his senses.

She hailed a taxi and got to his apartment.There she laid beside him and slowly undressed him.He was enjoying it,and she hated him that much more at that moment.He soon fell asleep and she thought,it was time to hit the hot iron.

She dressed herself up in his clothes and locking the door behind her,headed to Valarie's apartment.It was Saturday night.Valarie had this superstition that Saturdays were a bad, ominous day for her,so she generally stayed back,and as expected she was home.

It seemed as if the Gods were also on her side,her plan had fallen just perfectly and on the right day.She thought,this cant be all coincidence! She was destined to die and it was going to be this very night and she would stab her to death.

She took a deep breath and rung the bell.Valarie appeared at the door and welcomed her in.She had imagined stabbing her already numerous times in her mind,it was time to do it for real.She slowly walked and stopped right behind her.

"I have something for you" and saying this she instantly stabbed her on her neck and then many others on her stomach and chest.She watched her bleed to death,blood oozing out and a horror in her eyes,cooled her thirsty heart.

She thrust open her handbag and changed into her own dress and tugged the blood stained clothes and the knife,that she had borrowed into the polythene and back to her bag.Without wasting another second she quickly stepped out and back to Don's apartment.

She skillfully opened the door using her pair of keys which she had made herself a copy during her previous visit,to be used just for this day.She softly and slowly walked past the kitchen and into his room,placed in the polythene right underneath his bed.

She then left and re-entered the club and stayed there till morning.

She then called up 911 and informed them about,how she had found her dead on reaching home from the club.

Later the investigation led to Don,placing him as the murderer.Photos of him and Valarie in obscene poses were found at his apartment with the clothes and the knife,from his kitchen which was used to kill her,had finger prints of him all over.

"How could you do this to me?" Don yelled.

"How could I do this? how dare you cheat on me! You are that dog who licks those bitches arse,so you got what you sowed."She snapped.

She had placed everything at the right place that would put him to the scene.She dint want to keep any loose ends and neither wanted anybody to have a second thought over it.So she had dropped off those photos that she clicked,when she had caught him cheating for additional effect.Her plan was neat and properly phased and she knew nothing could out beat it,practically nothing and the rest the power of money would handle and complete.

"I will tell the attorney everything.You are not going to get away with this!" he warned her.

Instead of being scared she was calmed and assured him that she would make sure he stays there for the rest of his life.

"I will get outta of here" he snarled angrily.

"Money is evil, Don.And of course who knows that any better than you.If I can hire an attorney to get you into jail,then you very well know I can even get someone to finish you!" her face was filled by sudden contentedness and she seemed composed.

She dropped the receiver onto the table and got up,turned to her heels and walked outside.A fresh breeze hit her face softly and she thought to herself, 

'what goes around,always comes around!'

He stood there transfixed in shock and remorse and her evil laughter echoed in the void room.

Note: The protagonist and all other characters or the events described in the story are fictitious.Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental.