Hello!

Guys,
     
     I'm going on a vacation,after a long time so wouldn't be posting in for a while.Until then,enjoy and have fun.Much Love!

-Ankita.

Unrequited Love!

Every broken heart has screamed at one time or another: 


"Why can't you see who I truly am?" ~ Shannon L. Alder.

For centuries now,unrequited,unattended love run through the pages of history repeating itself again and again to remind us of the forever glowing flames and the heat in it,so massive that it can't be diminished.

Heartbreak,just as love,is a part of life,and the feeling is universal.The romance of unrequited love is forever,the passion never fades away.It has the desire,expectation,the longing to get the love that's wanted so desperately.

Romeo-Juliet are living example of it,which is cherished and read around the world.A decade ago,not many know the story of Dante Alighieri,the famous poet,whose poem La Vita Nuova overflows of his unrequited love,for his one and only true love,the forever Beatrice Portinari.

At least once in life,everyone of us has been chased by it and its almost impossible to escape it.We all have experienced the pangs of a love that's not reciprocated and I have seen many people live with it,till date.First love is never forgotten!

Some get over and move on and for the other some they are called weak,or a failure for not having that encouraging capability to get past it.But I think there is a different beauty in it,in the latter kind of people,actually in their pain.

Haven't we all heard the saying,"The sweetest songs are those that tell the saddest tales?"Pain is such a bittersweet ache!

There is different calmness even when the eyes dwell on salty oceans,dampen the caged nylon,stalking on social sites,and when all hell breaks loose it gives birth to silent chaos.

In 'The Book of Unholy Mischief',the author wrote,"Unrequited love does not die;it's only beaten down to a secret place where it hides,curled up and wounded."

It might seem the words above are just poetic or writer's motion,but where does a writer get his inspiration from?Its the reality that gives birth to such beautiful and painful yet touching writings and arts,that we travel across to go over and over again admiring its depth of beauty and yet seem not to get enough of them.

And the perfect example is the Museo Casa di Dante,the church where a wicker basket holds hand-written prayers and letters from people all over the world to Beatrice,herself to grant them true love or maybe heal their broken heart.

A little insight into the state of a heartbroken mind to let all of you see,the pain so agonizing yet so passionate just like the twinkling stars in the dark sky.

"When you give someone your whole heart and he doesn't want it,you cannot take it back.It's gone forever." ~ Sylvia Plath.

Above all lies a broken heart.You can't reason with it,you can't fix it and you can't erase any of its causes! Its like floating in the land of the lost with an insatiable thirst for reasons;reasons for you being so miserable.Nothing is more futile as this,because no matter what,you'll never find your answers.

Unquestionably,its very painful of having to realize that the person for whom you have such adoring sentiments doesn't,can't,or won't return your so-committed,so-impassioned feelings.

Yes,he has a broken heart.Attachment lead to it.Promises,commitment,loyalty have no meaning if you are a victim to a broken heart!

Years of love, bonding, caressing, cuddling, all of it, just vanished in a single moment.He was now on a quest.A quest to search deep within him the reason for his being! As sloshed,and as petrified he was,he had no where to escape to but to fall in the depths of gloomy cavern where the water collected in the lagoon that reflected no stars.

Its an undeniable truth that was chasing him,and the more he tried to run away from it the closer he got.The 'truth' being the loss of his love!

Three and a half years of togetherness and all he was left with is a stock-load of beautiful memories.The way she walked,the way she smiled,the way she made those funny faces,the way she looked when she was sad or serious....Oh yes,all of it,carved into his mind so vivid,that its like she was right there with him.

Time flies,and there he lay on his bed staring at the ceiling,talking to his shadow.He can almost mysteriously feel her breath on his shoulder.He turned to his side and made himself believe that she was right there.

He ran fingers on the empty space on his pillow beckoning for her to hold them.His eyes,shut tight,swirling his finger on the ringlets of her hair.In a long time,he had felt her so close;close enough to feel her.

And all of a sudden he withdrew himself from whatever he was thinking,sitting up straight on his bed and start to contemplate all over again.

But this time his thoughts were slightly more weird.Destiny being his subject,he concluded murmuring abuses.He abused a little more.And then he felt he needed to breathe.

"I need fresh air",he whispered to himself.But no matter how many windows or doors he opened he still felt stuck!

Turning from the window and trying to abandon the morbid turn his thoughts had taken.Try to imagine the intricacies of his pathetic situation.

When you are vulnerable,thoughts seem to cut through more deeper than usual and that was just same with him.Debacle of old memories erupted inside his mind and visions of her deluged,floating before his eyes stark and vivid.

His mind fluctuating by every hour and his heart fragile than ever,and the pain leveling up by each passing moment made him nauseated.And just realizing that this girl and his love for her were nothing but mere purveyor of pain and solitary state in his life.

Something within urged him to "NOT" be himself anymore,feeling tired and miserable about his state made him sick.At one point he wished if he was a stoic and the very next,he desired to change himself and be that person who she would love more dearly,someday;that person whose hand she would hold and go for long walks with, go for movies-dinners-lunches with,that man who would be the 'Mr. Perfect' of her life.

Amid all the on and off thoughts circling around inside,he felt a gush of wind hit him right behind on his nape as though a soft lips had just kissed it,and then he felt hands entwining his body,holding on tight and her warm body against his.

He reached out to wrap her arms around when he again realized it was all just nothing but his mind playing tricks.Although he knew it was a dream,but a faint smile spread across his face, deep down hoping someday again,she just might...!

Ending thoughts on a good note have begun to become more of a habit.He tried to block it all out but it was inevitable,this fruitless quest to 'forget and proceed' was just not his cup of tea.

He couldn't stand the thought of having to forget her someday and move on.

MOVE ON??????????? WHAT THE FUCK DOES IT EVEN MEAN???

And then he drew various conclusion some logical and some meaningless.

"If you have not been miserable in love,you know not what love is.. and 'moving' on is like the later stages of being miserable,when you are still in love but have no logical reason for it" one of them being this.His heart crunched within and the the hollowness again reappeared.

And out of the blue he said to himself, "you loved me too.."

She had blatantly announced that 'It was over!' long before,but he couldn't stop feeling dejected.A heart-rending melancholy and despair took over and his mind was nearly defunct.

Those last words from her kept repeating again and again like some broken recorder and every time her voice felt more and more devoid of emotions.It felt as though the words hovered above like a ghost and he pressed his ears in desperation for it to vanish.

His condition was deteriorated at an alarming rate.He took up addiction and the more he took the better it felt.

Complications began to creep in like it always does and once again all he could hear in the inside of his head,was the slow humming whistle of a faraway train.Sitting on the floor leaning against the wall,he lit a smoke,with every puff he began to feel calm.But his mind isn't saturated yet,thoughts wont somehow,leave him alone and all he wanted was to stop them!

Wasn't it Longfellow who said,"The leaves of memory make a mournful rustle in the dark"?

He wanted to be left alone with nothing in his head to bother him.He couldn't fathom that escaping his oneself was something he would ever have to do.It was as if his mind taken over by a plague,an unstoppable disease which doesn't kill you,but remains life long eating bit by bit all your conscience.

He dint know where did it all lead,or was he going insane or just obsessed with the thought of her.Days go by and they are always the same,each leading his path to a dead end road.He lost track of time and just sometimes he dint even know as to which day of what month he was stuck in!

His life was on the edge of devastation.The walls had hardened enough to be penetrated and so it was just him,trapped inside when the rest of the world,along with his friends were busy taking the carousal ride of life.

Christina Westover once wrote,"Unrequited love is the infinite curse of a lonely heart."He simply couldn't get over.

It was one Saturday night,that got him into rethink about all of it,all over again.

He was seated at a bistro,watching an old man at a far end corner table sitting all by himself.He was lonely,so he walked over to him and asked,"Mister,is this seat taken?"

He softly replied,"No,all yours Son."

He felt a genuine warmth in his voice and it was long since,he had left school that someone referred to him as 'Son'.It felt good.

He sat opposite to him and after some small talks,it started to go down on the personal side.The old man pulled out an old photo out from his wallet and showed it to him,"that's my wife,Laurel!"

He took a good look at the photo and said,"Beautiful!"

"I know",the man's voice barely audible,and after a pause he said,"She died when my kids were small."

"That's bad",he said in his shaky voice and thought, he is no different! "So tell me,how did you hold up?"

"Son,to tell you the truth,at first I was devastated.But then when I saw those little cherubs by my bed side,it was all gone." pausing to regain himself,"then I decided,I would live for them and see now I'm already a grandfather!" a faint smile crossing his face.

"I lost my girl,too.She left me and I don't know what is left for me to live for?"

"I would better well be dead by now,but you see there is more to life.If I would've let the pain take over me,how would I've seen how happy I'm now!" the man sighed,"our thoughts are always clouded,and we simply give up instead of parting it to see what lay ahead.Letting go is the first step to happiness!"

He listened to him but dint say a word.

The next day,he returned to the same bistro,hoping to meet the man again.But he never saw him again.

Maybe he dint see the man again but that night,and his words were etched in his memory.He dint even realize what it had bought to him.It had got one thing that he had been beating the bush all this while and that's: CHANGE!

He started afresh."The worst thing:to give yourself away in exchange for not enough love."~ Joyce Carol Oates.

Enjoying what he loved,'Photography' and living for the people who still love him.And he remembered his mother saying,"Welcome Son!" It meant a lot to him.


"Let no one who loves be called unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow."~ James Matthew Barrie.

How would you feel if,Romeo were married to Juliet,and their love fulfilled? I bet,none would have read it,maybe,nobody would be interested even to write about it on the first place.
You see,love that has the desire to keep continuing even when the heart has been broken is what attracts us all.Maybe,its sounds bad but we all love the pain more than anything,it makes us feel alive in every way.And..

. . . a final comfort that is small,but not cold: The heart is the only broken instrument that works. ~ T. E. Kalem.

Special Mention: My appreciation goes to Sabyasachi Shome,for all the help that I could gather while writing this post.And forgive me for any of my shortcomings,I hope,you appreciate what  I've written here.Thank You,much Love!