Marionette

Chapter One

The small potted plant,placed at the window sill glistened brightly under the sunlight.The day was mildly warm and except for the clattering of wheels and beeping of the ventilator machine,it was quiet inside.

The buzz outside had reduced to low humming,while she sipped her soy milk and flipped through the cosmopolitan.She had been reading an article on the latest diet trends when the nurse walked in and greeted,"Hello! How are you doing today,Suga?"

"Great, as usual",Evelyn replied.

The nurse checked the vitals informing her that it seem to be normal,with no major fluctuations.She shifted her gaze from the patient's chart to the bedside counter,where a fresh bunch of white tulips rested.

This was nothing new,she thought,and walked towards it,picking them up she replaced yesterday's old with the new ones.It was her duty to look after the patient in the best possible manner even if she's been in coma for the past 7 months.

She turned to Evelyn and said,"Your mother has really great taste,white tulips are beautiful choice of flower."

"Hmmmmm....", she nodded.

"Soon,she will be up and gossiping,making up for all the lost time.",the nurse chuckled trying to light up the mood.

"I suppose", she grimly responded and looked at her with sombre expression.

"I'll see you later",and saying this the nurse left the cabin.

It was another of her routine day.Every morning,Evelyn religiously visited her mother at the hospital with a bouquet of her favorite flowers and waits up for the nurse to finish her round before leaving for work.

She folded and slipped the magazine in her purse and straightened out her skirt,then for one last time she held the lifeless hand of her mother and bidding 'Good Day',she left.

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It was past 6,when she returned during visiting hour.She sat beside the bed and softly spoke,"Hii! Mum....Today was really hectic,need a good bath and I had to call the plumber,the wash basin was leaking again,rest everything good at home.You need not worry."

This 'daily updating' went on everyday.She sought solace in it,to believe that her mother is listening to everything that she has to say.For a moment make-believe that,she is okay and as if all this never happened.She kept her sanity intact this way.

She started to say something,when the nurse appeared again at the entrance.

"Hello! Lady",she greeted cheerfully.

"Hii! Brenda",Evelyn replied likewise.

"I've placed the box in that left cabinet (pointing to it), you'll find everything in there"

"Thank you! I'll check it"

"Okay! Take care and Cya! tom morning,then?"

"Yep! Sure,bye!"

Nurse Brenda left for home at her shift's end for the night.While,Evelyn walked to the cabinet,pulled out the cardboard box and tucking it under her arm,she too bid 'Good Night' and left.

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She unlocked the door to her apartment and placing the box on the couch,she walked towards the bathroom to freshen up.Later,she heated up some milk and ate light dinner.

It was midnight,when her sleep broke to the sound of the television.She had dozed off on the couch,leaving it turned on.She aimlessly searched for the remote and turned it off.

She was awake now,and it didn't seem she could further get any sleep.She opened the box beside her and began to see through.It was all her mother's belongings,some old postcards,photographs and a diary.

She had often seen her mother with it,something very dear to her was the diary.Every now and then,her mother wrote down,some nights she would stay awake writing her thoughts in it.Though,her mother forbade her to read other's letters or diaries and she did follow the rule from childhood till date,but in this case,now it was different.A very different situation and she knew that her mother wouldn't mind her reading it.

She replaced the leather cover and turned to the first page..............

*******to be continued*******

Feels Like Another Lifetime!

Today, while walking down memory lane I remembered of a past phase that's etched vividly. Every year, during summers I visited my father with my Gran and those are the times I craved for,to come as soon as possible.

When all other friends of mine were busy planning for their own family trips to different other states of India, I counted days and cut off each date on the calendar, eager to just go and meet dad. And finally when the D-day arrived to go home for holidays I was always overjoyed.

I have always been a nature loving person and love the solace and calmness of villages. The place where my dad owns a motel is surrounded by picturesque villages and it’s on NH 31.For a resident it may be nothing new, but every time I got there the ambiance never failed to surprise me. The smell of mud, the shades by huge trees and the non-stop humming of the vehicles.

Being the owner's daughter does have some perks, and one of them was that we were welcomed with a lot of warmth and well-cooked lunch.

An expansion of greenery all around stretching as far as you view. Paddy fields and around it methodically cut lanes reaching to the houses and huts. The tall palm and coconut trees swayed involuntarily by the wind and the soft breeze soothing your face is inexplicable, one needs to feel it themselves to exactly describe it. The beautiful view of the pond behind the infrastructure through the window and the lotus blooming on the surface made it picture perfect scene.

My dad being busy managing his work, I generally spent my evenings with Gran at the backyard garden. While she sipped on her evening tea, I sat on an armchair or at times lay on a folding bed and watched the flock of birds dipping their wings in the lucid flow of air and flying back home before the nightfall. The orange glow soon turned dark and finally vanishing into the darkness, and then followed the sound of crickets and the fireflies glowing in the calm night. The cool breeze so relaxing that no one would ever want to stay indoors. 

My Gran spent the late evening listening to songs on the radio and while I caught fireflies in glass jar. And later ate dinner and retired to bed for the night.

The mornings, were cool as well and I sat by the pond making mud castles and decorating it with wild flowers. My dad always appreciated and with a smile and hugs he said they were always beautiful, no matter what I made. The best thing being no one there to scold you, while you dirtied your clothes, if mother had ever seen me that way she would have surely grounded me for at least a week.

And just when the scintillating sun started to impart its heat, I got down in the Chowbacha (small water reservoir) and bathed, splashed, jumped and stood under the speeding water never willing to get out of it. As soon as the time reached beyond the extra limit Gran rushed and pulled me out and dressed me up for the evening.

I usually loitered around and asking people this and that. Everyone likes kids and that’s why they answered to all my logical and illogical questions and never got irritated, especially the staffs loved and cared about me. They took me to village fair, if there was one going on and even to their homes. In one of my visit to an uncle’s house, who also owned a pet monkey and it danced and played. I often, watched through the window, the village kids play with rubber tires rolling it with a stick, funnily they were either nude or partially clothed, a cloth wrapped around their waist. It was really amusing and fun to see them so carefree and contended. Sometimes, on purpose I touched the touch-me-not plants to just feel happy while it swooned. It was like a play to me which I enjoyed wholeheartedly.

Out of all, two incidents are there that I distinctly remember. Once a windy and disruptive storm barreled up, the sight of it was both beautiful and ominous. I loved witnessing the awesome power of nature, the leaves being blown helplessly and a chill breeze filling every corner then followed by down pour. And that wasn't all a coconut had fallen off its tree just on the road poles leading to short circuit, the electricity of the entire area was suddenly gone. We sat in the dim candle light, I was tucked warmly, cozied up on my Gran’s lap and my dad joked to others that thankfully it wasn't someone’s head and everyone laughed out loud drowning the croaking sound of the frogs.

Another time, the cook, Dulal Kaku (Uncle) was cutting a fish for the afternoon lunch and I had been watching curiously at how it was being done and that’s when he showed me a small hook that was stuck in the dead fish's head. He pulled it out, washed and cleaned and told me that he would teach me how to catch fish with it. I was 8 and it was obvious I was too excited. And for continuous next six days he taught me how to catch with it and we did but it was already dead before I could show it to Gran and dad. I was so depressed that the excitement of catching fish from pond also died with it.

Dulal Kaku noticed my doleful mood and informed dad about it and to cheer me up he drove me to Jaldapara National Park ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaldapara_National_Park ). We chatted and saw elephants bathe, peacocks in their barn, lay on the grass for hours munching chips, saw ant hills, bird’s nest, with binoculars watched bison once and twice rhinoceros. That’s when my dad also realized my fetish for fishes and on the narrow river at the park we stared at the tiny fishes and then disrupting, splashed water at each other and again watched for the flow to calm down and continued our viewing them. From then on every summers,he did take me to the park and the entire day we enjoyed, at times had small picnics too.

All these memories feel like as if it happened in a different lifetime. As I grew big I stopped going there and summer holidays turned into boring friends meet and lunches. My fascination of that phase was no longer there. Suddenly, today when I remembered, I really missed all of it and wished if only, I could go back no matter even if it is for,Once!

Forgotten Joys!

Why is our life confined to deadlines and pay scale or husband and children or even relationships and heartbreaks? When was the last time you felt alive and free? When was it that you smiled without being nagged by tension? When did we all grow so big enough to forget about the little things in our lives?

I wondered this morning, stretching at my balcony that why did I ever stop admiring the sunrise? Was rushing to college, just to reach early or the air pollution such big issues to miss something so beautiful?

While walking along the park, today, I shoved aside the thoughts to get back home early, to get dressed for class, about work, health, money, weather and so on and rather stopped for seconds, sometimes minutes just to admire the surrounding. Watched the kids walk to school, for some waiting for the school bus to pick them up, ladies and women walking briskly to reach the nearby temple, listening to the chanting of morning prayers, joggers jogging past me, shop owners getting settled for the day, cooing of a dove somewhere, teen boys playing volleyball and so much more.
After a while got myself comfortable on a park bench and again let my mind wonder, and almost laughed out loud in my head at the ironic thought of coming here daily yet not taking heed to notice any of these that I did today. All this while, I had been actually walking aimlessly, unaware of the things happening around me. What difference is there between me and a blind person? I bet he can feel and understand more than me even without his sight. It is so sad to realize that it’s not just me but many others, nearly everybody way too busy to be bothered by anything but themselves and their work. We all are fast-forwarding the life, running to reach faster than the other but only fail to realize what we miss out on our way.

Truly, I hadn't felt so light-headed and relieved in a long time. My heart yearned for what I moved past all this time and sat there thinking of the good old days. The days of my happy childhood and memories began to flow out like gushing water out of a broken dam. And all I could do was to go with the flow.

I stared at the grass and watched the dew glide down slowly and remembered a forgotten joy of how I used to enjoy picking it up on the tip of my finger and watch the sun rays glistening on it.And on rainy days how carelessly I jumped on every puddle and sailed paper boats. On summer days, picking mango secretly from the neighbors tree and running to save our asses as soon as she found out. Assuming to be Sherlock Holmes and going on adventure trips to desolated houses in the neighborhood and getting punished for throwing paper planes and loitering around during class hours. Instead of laughing at Jerry’s pranks on Tom, we are busy getting pissed over the nasty morning news. We are so worried about our carpet getting spoil that we don’t feel the rain on our face.

When did my life entwine itself in the vicious maze of adulthood? The joy that I had felt earlier, why did I ever give it up? Why did I withhold my heart from being happy? I have no answers but a lot of questions lingering in my mind and the only solution is that next time I give myself the joys it’s been craving for all this long.

As a very renounced and respected poet recited in a Bengali poem:

"dekhite giyachhi porbotmala

dekhite giyachhi sindhu
dekha hoy nai chokshu meliya
ghor hote shudhu dui pa pheliya
ekti ghasher shisher upor ekti shishir
bindu…"
-which means I have travelled the entire world looking for beauty but in the end I found it finally on the dew drop on grass just outside my house. He meant home is where beauty lies in reality.You just have to look and you will find it.