Why is our life confined to deadlines and pay scale or husband and children or even relationships and heartbreaks? When was the last time you felt alive and free? When was it that you smiled without being nagged by tension? When did we all grow so big enough to forget about the little things in our lives?I wondered this morning, stretching at my balcony that why did I ever stop admiring the sunrise? Was rushing to college, just to reach early or the air pollution such big issues to miss something so beautiful?
While walking along the park, today, I shoved aside the thoughts to get back home early, to get dressed for class, about work, health, money, weather and so on and rather stopped for seconds, sometimes minutes just to admire the surrounding. Watched the kids walk to school, for some waiting for the school bus to pick them up, ladies and women walking briskly to reach the nearby temple, listening to the chanting of morning prayers, joggers jogging past me, shop owners getting settled for the day, cooing of a dove somewhere, teen boys playing volleyball and so much more.
After a while got myself comfortable on a park bench and again let my mind wonder, and almost laughed out loud in my head at the ironic thought of coming here daily yet not taking heed to notice any of these that I did today. All this while, I had been actually walking aimlessly, unaware of the things happening around me. What difference is there between me and a blind person? I bet he can feel and understand more than me even without his sight. It is so sad to realize that it’s not just me but many others, nearly everybody way too busy to be bothered by anything but themselves and their work. We all are fast-forwarding the life, running to reach faster than the other but only fail to realize what we miss out on our way.
Truly, I hadn't felt so light-headed and relieved in a long time. My heart yearned for what I moved past all this time and sat there thinking of the good old days. The days of my happy childhood and memories began to flow out like gushing water out of a broken dam. And all I could do was to go with the flow.
I stared at the grass and watched the dew glide down slowly and remembered a forgotten joy of how I used to enjoy picking it up on the tip of my finger and watch the sun rays glistening on it.And on rainy days how carelessly I jumped on every puddle and sailed paper boats. On summer days, picking mango secretly from the neighbors tree and running to save our asses as soon as she found out. Assuming to be Sherlock Holmes and going on adventure trips to desolated houses in the neighborhood and getting punished for throwing paper planes and loitering around during class hours. Instead of laughing at Jerry’s pranks on Tom, we are busy getting pissed over the nasty morning news. We are so worried about our carpet getting spoil that we don’t feel the rain on our face.
When did my life entwine itself in the vicious maze of adulthood? The joy that I had felt earlier, why did I ever give it up? Why did I withhold my heart from being happy? I have no answers but a lot of questions lingering in my mind and the only solution is that next time I give myself the joys it’s been craving for all this long.
As a very renounced and respected poet recited in a Bengali poem:
"dekhite giyachhi porbotmala
dekha hoy nai chokshu meliya
ghor hote shudhu dui pa pheliya
ekti ghasher shisher upor ekti shishir
bindu…"
-which means I have travelled the entire world looking for beauty but in the end I found it finally on the dew drop on grass just outside my house. He meant home is where beauty lies in reality.You just have to look and you will find it.
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