Beautiful Death

I'm really sorry for not being able to post in the next chapter of the last post soon enough,lately, work and studies have been keeping me on my heels.But I promise I'll try to post the next chapter as soon as I get some time off.

Today, what I'm going to share is just randomised thought.When I decided to first start a blog I particularly had nothing in mind.There were no specific idea other than just to share my thoughts and feelings from time to time.Then oneday, I discovered I wanted to write frictional stories and so I did and another day I thought of writing about someone and then something and end of it I turned it into a sort of mixed bag-kinda blog .I like it this way,not particularly having to limit as to what one should write on. Afterall, variety is the spice of life, no one likes plain, isn't it?
So much rambling for today...lets think what to share!

Do you believe that when a person die, their soul lives and it travels to some unseen land? My mother believes there definitely is something as 'Afterlife' and in there lies the concept of heaven and hell,but to tell you the truth the mere word makes me wonder about its existence. What kind of place, what is the measure of accommodation, how does it appear all these question fill up my head when I think of it. Ofcourse, the famous Dante has showed the world the ring of hell, but he isn't here to enlighten me with the idea as to how did he knew there exists two different places for the dead!
But I don't deny that i believe every humans have souls, and that there is conservation of souls after death. But like the way I believe in God, whom I have never seen in a similar way I feel about afterlife.

Call me insane if you want, but I talk every night to my grandmother who has passed away about the daily affairs happening around me from the past three years, staring at the ceiling and babling away. I share about who broke a cup today, or how mother scolded the maid for being late or how the maid complained about increasing her pay,or which friend of mine did what during class, or was I sad today, and if happy what reason behind it,etcetera.

I share with her in the same way now as I used to when she was alive. Maybe, I do this because I couldn't make myself come in terms with the fact that she is no longer here with me. Its not that in my life, I haven't let go off people, truly I have some, but its just her that I can't think of letting go. My mother always says that she watches us constantly from above, somewhere that you cannot see.But I think she,somewhere deep down believes it just to console her wounded heart. But to me its not enough just believing that she is watching silently from some place above or has become a twinkling star whom you spend entire life to distinguish which one is 'the one' out of the lot. For me the only question that always lingers unanswered related to this context is "why do people think once a person is dead that its an end?" Why not think them as still alive and go on living the normal life.

You might by now as well think 'Really! Ankita is in the verge of going insane or has already gone insane' or 'what is this girl rambling about, utter nonsense about death and still considering people to assume them to be alive and be normal about it' or  to some who might even be least interested to even take a glance as to what I wrote.

I like to think that my grandmother, she is still alive and kicking but is on a long holiday to some land where there is no modes of communication. You cannot send an email, neither make a call nor even post a letter, nothing, all you can do is to imagine what she maybe doing there. Sometimes, I think she is sipping her favourite darjeeling tea by some seaside relishing the sound of waves and watching the faraway seagulls and getting tanned, and other time I think she is riding on a camel on the hot sand beneath and assuming to see an oasis and the other moment she is sitting by the window watching the snow clasped mountains.
And the day she decides to return she would get presents and postcards.

At times, I also image myself standing across her on another clifftop just that I never get to reach her, there is this enormous gap that seperates her from me and I have to shout out loud just to get the words through and she does the same and our conversation some heard and some echoed and some drowned in the midst of the distance. Maybe she is far away beyond reach but just the thought of her being there is enough. Irrespective of by the sea or on mountaintop the belief of her being somewhere and all happy and smiling is worth imaging than her being at some pointless heaven-hell land where people are always imagined as haunting or too comforting and where there is no returning from.

Isn't it good to image they are happy and travelling like a tourist,different new places rather than think of them being a lonely star, or even playing a boring harp in some cloud mansion?

Nobody has ever got the right answer as to how you should be.And not everybody has ever agreed on the same thing. Some or the other aspect in each of us is judged by others at some point, like now people will judge about this aspect of me.We are assumed to always walk on the stereotypical path set ahead of us and those who don't are forever the topic of criticism. But should it waiver my way of looking at it? Should I see the usual over unusual just because others see it differently, or should I change at the fear of being called stupid or mad? 

 Totally debatable, and lets keep it for another day to discuss on my sanity or insanity. 

But I believe a conjunction awaits where I will meet her, afterall.When oneday she will finish her travelling the world and maybe that day I will decide on beginning mine!